Relationships
Mismatched libido in relationships: how couples can find balance
It is extremely common for partners to want sex at different frequencies. Mismatched libido is not a sign that a relationship is failing, but it does need understanding and communication.
In short: Most couples experience differences in sexual desire at some point. Causes include stress, tiredness, health problems, hormones, medicines, relationship tension and different desire styles. The key is to talk without blame, understand what affects each person’s desire, and find ways to stay close that work for both.
Why libido differs
- Stress and tiredness, especially with work and children.
- Health and hormones. See low libido in men: causes and treatment.
- Medicines such as antidepressants. See medications that cause erectile dysfunction.
- Erection worries: men sometimes avoid sex because of performance fears. See performance anxiety in men.
- Relationship tension and unresolved conflict.
- Different desire styles: some people feel spontaneous desire, while others feel “responsive” desire that builds after closeness begins.
How to talk about it
- Choose a calm moment, not in bed right after a rejection.
- Use “I” statements: “I miss feeling close to you.”
- Ask, do not accuse: “What helps you feel in the mood?”
- Listen to understand, not to fix immediately.
See how to talk to your partner about erectile dysfunction.
Practical ways to find balance
- Prioritise connection: date nights, affection and time without phones.
- Broaden what counts as intimacy: touch, massage and closeness without pressure. See sensate focus exercises.
- Plan intimacy: scheduled time can reduce pressure and build anticipation.
- Address health issues: sleep, stress, fitness and alcohol affect desire for both partners.
- Share the load: tiredness from uneven household responsibilities can reduce desire.
When to get help
If differences cause ongoing distress, resentment or avoidance, support helps. Sexual health counselling can give couples tools to communicate and reconnect.
How we can help
Our naturopaths support men with natural remedies for energy, stress and desire, and welcome couples to confidential consultations. Read also how to improve intimacy in a relationship.
Why men choose our natural approach
Walk in or consult remotely
Walk in at Buccleuch, Sandton, with parking available, or consult by phone or video from anywhere in South Africa.
Natural and non-surgical
Herbal remedies and practical guidance, with no injections or surgery.
Faster appointments
Enquiries answered 24/7, with same-day appointments often available.
Transparent pricing
Consultations are R2,500, with any remedy costs confirmed before you commit.
Private self-check: 5 quick questions
Answer these honestly before you try anything new or book. They help you describe what is happening and get more from your first consultation.
- Has your interest in sex dropped noticeably over the past year?
- Do you feel tired most days, even after a full night in bed?
- Has your weight around the middle increased?
- Have stress, low mood or poor sleep become more common?
- Have you noticed weaker erections or fewer morning erections?
Two or more yes answers suggest that energy, sleep, stress or weight may be affecting your drive. These are areas where natural, practical support often makes a real difference, and a naturopath can help you work out where to start.
What happens at your first consultation
- Walk in or book online, call +27 10 205 9855 or WhatsApp +27 81 823 1313. In Gauteng, walk in at 199 Vanessa Street, Buccleuch, Sandton, where parking is available. Outside Gauteng, choose a confidential phone or video consultation. Enquiries are answered 24/7.
- Talk privately with a naturopath about your symptoms, health history, lifestyle and goals.
- Receive a personalised natural plan, with any remedy costs confirmed upfront.
- Follow up in person or remotely so your progress is reviewed and your plan adjusted.
Your health and safety
Our naturopaths use natural remedies and lifestyle support, and always check your health history and current medicines first. If anything needs medical attention we tell you honestly and refer you to an appropriately registered medical professional. Avoid unregistered “enhancement” products sold online or at markets, as SAHPRA has warned that some contain hidden ingredients.
Seek urgent medical care for chest pain, an erection lasting more than four hours, sudden weakness or other sudden symptoms.
Consultation price
A consultation is R2,500, in person or remote, and your naturopath confirms any further costs before you go ahead. See our men’s clinic prices for details.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for partners to have different sex drives?
Yes. Mismatched libido is very common at different stages of a relationship.
How do couples deal with different libidos?
Talk without blame, understand what affects each person’s desire, prioritise connection and broaden intimacy.
Can stress cause low libido in a relationship?
Yes. Stress and tiredness are among the most common causes.
When should we get help for mismatched libido?
If it causes ongoing distress, resentment or avoidance.
How much does a consultation cost?
A consultation is R2,500, and any remedy costs are confirmed with you before you go ahead.
Book your consultation today
Get personalised, natural support from a naturopath. Walk in at our Sandton practice, or book a remote consultation if you live outside Gauteng.
References and further reading
Reviewed by George Mulaudzi, Naturopath. This page is general information and does not replace a personal consultation. If you have chest pain, sudden symptoms or a medical emergency, seek urgent medical care.
